Fix that fat first!

I do have a pet peeve when I'm working, please allow me to share. There is an over abundance of fat people who feel the need to buy all of this expensive makeup and get their nails and hair did but pay no mind to their bodies. Ladies: no one gives a shit how great your nails look when you are takin up two damn seats on an airplane! The last fucking thing I would worry about is my face when the rest of me is pouring out of my pants! My makeup will not cover up all of your chins!!!!!!! In actuality you use more makeup to cover your large face. So really you would save more money of you loose a few lbs. since when is eyeliner more important than your health!?!?!? It makes you look dumb when you come to me and want me to do your makeup done and you're 300 pounds of fat. And I will talk shit and make fun of you when you leave. Don be that girl. Ht the gym, drink lots f water and eat healthy and then worry about your hair nails and makeup! Priorities people! Ain't nobody got time for fat people!

Being someones boss

Never in my life have I actually been a manager in any job. I have taken on that role at certain times but never for a long period of time. So now that I have Shortstack and Sunshine I find myself asking myself "self: what the fuck am I supoosed to teach these girls????" And I think the one main thing I can teach them is PEOPLE SUCK!!!!! Especially some of the high class white trash that we see on a day to day basis. This is including but not limited to some of the women we work with. When someone is rude to my girls I honstly just want to say "lets take this outside bitch". But I control myself and keep cool. In my eyes my girls are sweet angels sent from some alternate universe that breeds nothing but beautiful creatures, and to see one of them upset makes me act like a damn momma bear ready for a fight. So one of my girls had a problem the other day when I wasnt there and was pretty upset. Naturally I want to beat someones ass that someone being a lady we shall call Snuff, thats her at the top pf the page. I know this gentle giant means no harm, but that day part of me want to poach her ass and saw off her trunk and run through the store in glory. Moral of this post: If you mess with my girls. I will shank you and mutilate your body, thank you, have a good day

Witch craft

So today we had a discussion with a coworker who swears another coworker takes pieces of her hair to make a voodoo doll. Lol. Really!?!? I had an image in my head of a treasure troll made up of my coworkers hair. These bitches be trippin. That's jut a little bit of the crazy I work with. Personally I would love to make voodoo dolls of all of them and just make them do really weird shit all day. On another note, I talked a lot today about masturbating which made my 40 something coworker blush and walk away. Well I guess we all know what she was doing last night!

this is me.....

Lets just start by saying that I love my job, I really do, but this is is merely the funnier side of working at a makeup counter at a larger retail store. The characters in this blog are loosely based on the hags I work with and the customers that everyday suck a piece of my soul out. I will give you a few of the star people that i work with on an everyday basis. Some you will hate and some you will love. Lets start with me. Im a 29 year old single mother of two little girls who aspires to be a crazy cat lady, Yes you heard that right folks, a crazy cat lady. I could give a shit less about makeup really but I know it makes other people feel good so its all good with me. When I'm at work I have to be a business manager and control my larger mouth and conceal my white trash. But when Im home i usually have a glass of wine in my hand and am covered in cat hair. strange for such a young beautiful girl i know.

I have one main bff at work and we shall call her Lovely L. Despite her low self confidence and obsession with sports, she rocks my world. She is probably one of the nicest people i know and I only know like 3. She hangs out with me and drinks even though I'm a complete degenerate when I do. the last time we hung out I pinched at least 30 different peoples nipples. Who fucking does that!?!?!? Heres Lovely L.....as I see her.

My boss is a strange little woman who I just want to put in my damn bag and take home and make her pet my cats with me. She lets us get away with murder with a smile on her face. Though I do believe oneday she will probably spontaniously combust from all the shit we put her through. She will be sitting at home on her couch after a long days with the skanks at work, staring at all of her sweaters that she has knitted and BOOM! up in flames she will go. We will get back to her later though...

Now lets talk about my 2 employees. I am their fearless leader. Lets start with my new addition, we shall call her Sunshine. Probably one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met but god damn she doesnt have a clue. She is still new to the game and a little intimidated by me. One day I even told her she laughed like a retarded seal (which is completely true) and the poor girl just agreed and walked away like a dumbass. I already love her to death and cant wait to show her a few things about life. Then I have my girl who we will call Shortstack. Shes a lot like me, older, single mom and likes to have a good time. The best thing about her is she thinks I'm fucking hilarious (which is also true). She has a great heart but ask like 10874980560 questions a fucking day! sometimes I just want to tape her mouth shut. She is the bottom pic and sunshine is the top one.

Thats all for today folks, just wanted to give you an idea of some of the people I will talk about the most.